This house was built for laser tag.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
