There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
