Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
