I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
