considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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