Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
