I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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