Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
