Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
