she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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