Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
