In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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