the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
