Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is Oprah even human
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
