Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize