Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this boner is exhausting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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