Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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