there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
