so that wasnt chicken after all
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
