U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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