Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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