Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
