She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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