party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
there is glitter all over my balls
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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