I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
