Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Less talking, more tequila
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
