Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
