my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
