eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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