New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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