youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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