Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize