The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
