I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
