I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
