their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so let's talk penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
