yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize