This is not my ceiling
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
