Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
