I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize