Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
