The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
