Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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