I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish you could order shots online.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
