look no pants
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
