I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
