i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
