dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
