So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
