This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
