here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm always down for nudity.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
