so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
