So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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