I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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