Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
