dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
