sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
