he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
