You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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