just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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