Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
