i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
