It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
