Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
