Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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