i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
