Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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