you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
vagina is talking i cant
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
