I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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