my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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