he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
only you would photoshop your dick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
